You really do put up a fight in the mornings, don't you? Six units for 12g carbs yesterday, and it still wasn't quite enough to get you under control! One unit for two grams carbs! And yet you go all meek and submissive later - one unit for eight grams! That's 75% less! And you're practically AWOL in the evenings - one unit for twelve grams! How can this be? Do I have 'morning diabetes' or something? Do you get bored as the day goes on? How would it be if I stayed in bed until the afternoon? Might have to test you out one lazy day...

Well, you seem to be happy enough on that lantus dose, but you took your time deciding! You've got me all jittery at night though, after those hypos - now if I wake I HAVE to test just to make sure I'm going to survive the night! Last night was really annoying - I bet you knew that my bedside meter's batteries were running low, didn't you? All that messing about getting up and going downstairs to get the other meter, and then I was 5.0...hahaha! Most amusing, I don't think!

Now, what's all this business with needing lots more insulin for breakfast than any other time of the day? How come I can have one slice of toast in the morning and need 6 or 7 units, but by lunchtime I can eat three times as much for practically the same dose? How come you're so resistant to insulin in the morning? Or is my liver always particularly active at that time? How am I supposed to know? I don't suppose it really matters, but when you have me convinced that I need lower doses for all my meals EXCEPT breakfast it's very confusing and unfair of you.

It seems that we are reading from different editions of the blood sugar management book, am I right? Or yours is in some kind of language that you;ve not quite got the hang of yet? Look, this is how it's supposed to go: I cut back on the lantus, I eat toast and jam before bed, you behave. Simple, straightforward, where's the difficulty? Why then, did I wake again and test at 2.7 mmol/l? I'm waiting...! No answer eh? Gone all sheepish? You think I don't know what you're up to , don't you? You've been hanging around my pancreas like a lovesick puppy, stimulating those beta cells to somehow start up again whilst I sleep!

Ha! I got you last night though, didn't I? You just can't overcome peanut butter sandwiches can you? Especially when I team it up with another lantus reduction! That 4.4 at 3:30am was a bit feeble - all that lovely fat slowed the glucose right down and spread it way beyond my liver low! I must admit though, you've still got me a bit jittery about tonight. I've been reducing my meal boluses right back, and I'm still only at 4.7 before bed. Might have made a bit of a mistake with the jam on toast, but I wanted something sweet and I'm starting to get a bit tired of peanuts. We'll see...

What's the matter with you? You couldn't sleep, so you thought I shouldn't too, eh? Well, I appreciate you probably wanted a bit of company, but you've got me all through the day, couldn't you just do a bit of quiet contemplation by yourself for a few hours each night? Have to admit, I quite enjoyed those jelly babies and biscuits you persuaded me to eat, but really I'm getting too old for midnight (or 2 am) feasts - I need my beauty sleep! At least you didn't make me feel like I'd been banging my head against a brick wall all night, and I suppose if you hadn't woken me up then well...I might not have woken up...

Did you have to wait until I dropped to 2.1 though? You know how hungry that makes me - a 3.9 would have been just fine (if you had to wake me at all). Just don't make a habit of it, OK? I'll cut down your lantus tonight so it doesn't disturb you quite so much, but don't think that's an excuse to go pushing my levels high in the morning - I'm wise to your tricks! Well, most of them. I wish you weren't so inventive and creative. I know a lot of people call you stupid, but you've caught me out many a time with your little plots and schemes. And no - a 'glucose excursion' is NOT the same as a nice day trip to the seaside!

Cheers Diabetes! You and your high and mighty mate Mr Blood Pressure have dropped me right in it! I spend two years getting perfect blood sugar levels and you pay me back with 'moderate diabetic eye disease'. What kind of a thank you is that? Last year was bad enough, what with your 'minor diabetic changes', do you think it's clever? Huh? Do you? I just know it's since that fancy Hypertension started hanging around a few months back that you've decided to buddy up and cause me some grief for your amusement. Well, you can just let him know that I'm on his case, and he'll be lower than a snake's bum before the year is out - that'll wipe the smug grin off his face, and yours!

Behaving again - that's nice to see! It seems you only misbehave when I keep my lardy behind fixed to the sofa, eh? Can't compete with all this activity I've been doing lately? No need to throw a wobbler (literally!) with all those hypos, and you're still sneaking them up on me, jumping out from behind the meter with a 2.2 out of the blue! Well, at least I know what I'm supposed to do, but you're still not making things very easy when it comes to calculating how much insulin you expect. I don't suppose this is likely to end any time soon is it? I'm stuck with you, right? As long as you're good, I'll let you stay. What do you mean, I don't have a choice?

Tsk! Honestly! Thirteen units of novorapid for one salmon and tomato sandwich? What's goin on? That's normally eight, possibly nine units, but never thirteen. And what's all this about a 7.4 mmol/l before lunch, after one miserable slice of toast and a five mile walk? You've been like this for a couple of days now, and it doesn't matter how generous I've been, it's never been quite enough for you has it? I'm expecting a BIG improvement tomorrow, so think on!

Woohoo!! In your face diabetes! Haha! 5.6% HbA1c, despite all your efforts - completely unchanged since my last test in October! Seems that it's sent you a bit quiet since Thursday - all those 5.5 mmol/l pre-meal? You just stay like that and I'll be happy. Mind you, you did dip below 4 a couple of times yesterday, just because I went for a run. Oh, and there was that evil 11 just before my run too - just for a bowl of bran flakes? Tut!

Wotwotwot! What! One measly slice of buttered toast and you still don't think six units of novorapid is enough? That's only 16 grams of carbohydrate for goodness sake! 10.3 after two hours is just not playing fair. OK, maybe there are two or three mugs of tea thrown in there too, but that's hardly carb-overload...

OK, so I decide to go out for a run to get the levels down a bit. Absolutely knackered (OK, I'm not very fit at the moment, don't rub it in), then what do you say? 10.5 afterwards! All that hard work for an increase? Sheesh! You'd better pay me back for that by improving things over the next day or so...!

What is this all about? When you get together with a few of your mates you are uncontrollable! Take yesterday, for example - normally, you're pretty well-behaved during the day, but just because I happened to be amongst several other people with diabetes, you get all self-centred and puffed up. It's all about you, isn't it? What on earth was that 13.2 about? And the 10s too, don't think I don't notice that extra digit that pushes me into double figures. You'll probably blame the Stella Artois, I know how your mind works - blame the Belgian Beer, it's what you always do! Well, let me tell you, I'm not going to put up with it in future, so just mind your manners. At least you had settled down by the time I got on the train, at 5.5., but then you got all mopey and miserable and dropped me down to 3.8, tut! I'll be keeping an eye on you in future, me laddo, so don't think you got away with it just because I was enjoying myself!

Huh! I'm not speaking to you today! Waking me up at 1:30 am with a 2.7 and then keeping me awake all night! Well, I suppose at least you woke me up. But why? I hadn't done anything out of the ordinary - eaten around 7 pm, tested at 5.8 around 11:40 pm, injected the lantus and that was that - perfectly normal. Shouldn't have been any novorapid left and lantus hasn't spiked for me for months - possibly even over a year! So WHY???? Sheesh! You'd better be on good behaviour today or...or...or...I'll CURE you and that will be that!

Oh! Happy 65th birthday Debbie Harry!

Oops! Fell asleep in my chair last night without having my lantus injection. Have you left me, diabetes? How come I was only 5.0 at 3:30 am without my background insulin? I'd have expected to be much higher!

Oi! Now, I don't mind nice, steady levels at the bottom end of my range, but a 2.0 out of the blue is a bit sneaky to say the least! And what's happening with the 4.2 two hours after my egg and chips and tinned peaches? I deliberately went low on the novorapid dose so I wouldn't need toast before bed. You're deliberately trying to scupper my weight-loss drive, aren't you?

That's better. OK, you might be leaving me a little on the low side, but at least we're starting to work together again. You really do punish me when I'm lazy, don't you? Lantus down from 11 to 9, and possibly a further reduction in the course of the next few days - let's see what I'm waking up to tomorrow, shall we? No surprises please, and certainly not in the middle of the night!

The weight is starting to fall too. 12st 5lbs a couple of weeks ago, my heaviest ever, and now down to 12st exactly. Still need to shift another 20lbs before I'm happy though. The 15 minute workouts and exercise bike excursions are certainly increasing my insulin sensitivity - my novorapid is dropping back too, so hopefully that will help with the weight loss. Must get back running. I've developed a bit of a fear of just getting out there - afraid that I'll get about 100 yards and have to give up and turn back. No real excuse though, apart from the fact I have to work it all around YOU!

Hurrah! Thank you for being nice to me today! That wasn't so hard was it? A nice 5.2 to wake up to, a 6.5 before lunch and a 4.4 before our evening meal. You even behaved over that lunchtime injection that I thought might be too low. Now why can't you do that every day?

Well, you really do like playing with me, don't you? I was being good and exercised in the morning to help keep my blood sugars down, but you put me up instead before lunch. So I tried to work out what you wanted and gave an extra bit of insulin at lunch, did a little gardening in the afternoon and then all of a sudden I'm shaking and sweating and down at 2.3 mmol/l and you weren't even going to let me know until it got bad!

Honestly! And don't claim it's because you could see I wanted to eat those jelly babies!

Well, we've been together for just over two years now, and it seems as though we are going through a little rough patch. Things were fine for so long, just the occasional tiff, but now that's becoming a bit too regular. I'm trying my best. I keep feeding you insulin and you keep saying it's not enough! Then when I try extra hard you turn round and leave me shaking and tearful. That's no way to treat one of your closest friends. Perhaps we need counselling?